The Progressive Voter’s Guide Guide

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Question: what is the most diabolical piece of new technology to hit the streets in the last week? Frikkin’ sharks with frikkin’ laserbeams on their heads? Good guess, but no. Indeed, it is the Progressive Voters’ Guide.

Hwa!? A Voter’s Guide for progressives? To tell them what candidates are progressive, hardworking legislators? Or would be progressive, hardworking legislators? This is madness. Madness! Only progressives could be this diabolical.

…right. Uh, so, anyway, we here at the Bus are big fans of this Guide and we want to make sure you can use it as you fill out your primary election ballot (and put in the mailbox by no later than Tuesday, August 17). The Guide is hella easy to use, but we want to make it even more user friendly so that you can do your ballot up like “whoa that was hella fast.” So: the Progressive Voter’s Guide Guide starts after the jump.

Front page- click to expand

Take a bite out of your ballot

voteshark is hungry for democracy

Sometimes, dear readers, the stars (or perhaps The Whatever from High Atop the Thing) come up with some sort of alignment of cosmic proportions that allows for goodness to spring from the Earth and bunnies to drive Buses procreate like, well, bunnies and double rainbows to appear in the sky.

That’s right, folks… SHARK WEEK and PRIMARY WEEK (well, OK, one of two primary weeks…) are HAPPENING AT THE EXACT SAME TIME.

Democracy + sharks. Sharks + democracy. Primary voters + sharks. Uh, maybe not the last one, actually. We don’t want that to happen. No, no sirree. (Fear the land shark).

And we certainly don’t want Joe Fitzgibbon, whose Week is also concurrent with the Week of the Votesharks, to run afoul of the fearsome apex predator of the seas. Do not go swimming this week, Joe, especially if you have a ballot in your pocket. That would attract the Voteshark, because the Voteshark goes berserk for blank ballots like most sharks become brutal because of blood. Though I wonder why you would go swimming with your ballot. It would probably decompose. Don’t go swimming with your ballot. Fill it out instead.

OR VOTESHARK WILL GET YOU AAAARRRGH

Oh, and here’s the Progressive Voter’s Guide, put together by our friends at Fuse Washington.

Duh nuh… duh nuh… duh nuh…